And which one are you?

So I've been M.I.A for almost a month now. The reason? well nothing too important, just busy with a case (a senior associate is away on sick leave and I have to handle a lot of her work). Which meant that I had a couple of meetings with a client. I had to attend court too on a number of occasions. So just rushing from here to there really.

I've realised that work life is really no different from school life ( primary and secondary school combined). You'll always have the bullies, the jocks, the nerd, the tattle tale, the 'in' crowd. Except I would perhaps like to re-christen them as the Brown-noser, the Biatch, the Doormat, the Aunty, the Uncle, and ofcourse, the Boss.

Lets start with the Biatch first. The Biatch btw, can apply to both males and females, not trying to be misogynistic here or anything.The Biatch will generally tend to be the most ambitious person(read: steamroller) in the office, the true definition of a fat catty bitch. The Biatch is a conniving piece of work, who will stoop oh-so-low. (S)he will not think twice before (s)he stabs you in the back. The Biatch is well known for even twisting the Boss ( albeit the more confused one) around her little finger. The Boss ( or a person who hasn't figured the Biatch out) will ALWAYS listen to what she has to say. The Biatch might be a lazy bitch too (depends) and will most definitely convince the confused Boss that ACTUALLY that particular unfinished piece of work neglected by her/him was assigned to you or some other poor unfortunate soul. (S)he will ofcourse get you in trouble with the confused Boss, who now thinks you're an incompetent idiot. The Biatch will always pretend to have a mountain load of work, when really (s)he is facebooking her posterior end off. The Biatch will question you to her/his wits end JUST to ensure whether or not your are more qualified than her/him, expect a thorough grilling/cross examination.. Expect the Biatch to comment on your clothes, makeup, jewellry, hair, skin in a bitchy way. Watch out for this one!!

The Doormat now. The Doormat will be an ardent supporter of the Biatch. A mindless person who has no opinions of his/her own, (s)he will be, in the true meaning of the word, a doormat for the Biatch to walk all over (and even wipe/rub his/her feet sadistically on). The Doormat will carry out all the menial tasks for the Biatch and be there at his/her beck and call. When the Biatch is not around, the Doormat WILL speak behind his/her back, but ofcourse will be too much of a sissy to say it to the Biatch's face.

Then you've got the Aunty. The Aunty is like the mother hen of the nest. She will try and set you up with your co-workers, be worried about your rishtay, comment on your clothes, makeup and all that jazz. She will be worried about your health, and give you desi totkay to help cure those god-awful dark circles. A bit too inquisitive and over bearing at times, the Aunty generally bears no ill will.

The over-confident one. This person ALWAYS thinks that they're right. They will NOT listen to what you have to say, even if you have some valuable input. The Over-confident ones generally have the icame-I saw-i conquered approach to life. God's gift to mankind ( or so they seem to think). The seemingly un-defeatable, unconquered. Its actually quite fun (if not a little sadistic) to see these types fall FLAT on their faces!

Next, the Brown noser. Not mutually exclusive to the Biatch. This ones the MOST annoying one of the bunch. The Brown noser will find EVERY oppurtunity to go and butter up the Boss. The Brown noser treats every meeting with the client as a networking oppurtunity. The Brown noser will always be standing besides the Boss during important meetings or any other occasion for that matter. The Brown noser is a professional sycophant. The Brown noser will somehow wheedle his/her way into all the work being done. The Brown noser has antennae like a cockroach. (S)he WILL always sense when theres a juicy case or important piece of work on the horizon. God help you if you've been given that important piece of work, because , just like death and taxes are always certain, the Brown noser will come around to bother the LIFE out of you. Whatever you have, the Brown noser will always try and come one up. In short, (s)he's a copycat, sucking up piece of scum. I rest my case.

Moving on to the Uncle now. He's generally a sweet guy, but some of the stuff he says could actually be construed as harrasment. If he were in any other place other than Desi Land, he would certainly be slapped with a harrasment lawsuit. Generally one of those type of people who belong to the old school of thought, he brushes aside all of your qualifications if you happen to be a female. He loves talking about his family and praising them to no end.

Finally, THE Boss. Since I actually have more than one Boss, its interesting to see how different their personalities are. They can be confused, overconfident or just plain old grouches. As long as you hand your work in on time to them and do half-decent work, the boss-employee relationship should work out.

So, there you have it. That's my interpretation of the people Ive encountered in my work place. Which one of these are you ?