Of Babies and Airplanes

Recently, a Pakistan International Airlines heading towards Manchester had to make an emergency landing at Poland because a pregnant lady on board gave birth to a six month old baby (the report seems to suggest that the baby is alright, which is great news). An air hostess on board delivered the baby, while the pilot had to land the plane in extremely treacherous conditions (the airport in Warsaw is notoriously difficult to land at - emergency brakes were applied in this particular case) Here is the article from the Dawn:

WARSAW: A six-month pregnant Pakistani who gave birth to a premature baby aboard a flight from Islamabad to Britain forced an emergency landing on Sunday in Warsaw, a spokesman for the Polish capital’s airport said.

'The pilot had to make the decision to land as quickly as possible. Warsaw’s Okecie airport was the closest,’ Jakub Mielniczuk told AFP on Monday about the Pakistan International Airlines flight.

‘The woman was six months pregnant. The airport doctor had to revive the premature baby who was immediately taken to a Warsaw hospital in a serious condition,’ he said.

The baby is alive, a medical official at the hospital where the infant was being cared for told AFP on Monday, but refused to provide further details. The PIA plane travelled on to the British city of Manchester on Sunday evening.—AFP

Ive always been very interested by immigration law and aviation law. This incident is an amalgamation of the two! The first thing that prompted me to do some research was the debate I had with my colleagues on this issue. The know-it-all INSISTED that a child born on board a plane gets (1) Free tickets for life and (2) citizenship of the country the plane is flying over. Now, I disagreed with both of the aforementioned facts and started doing some research.

According to Halsbury's Laws:

Nationality may be acquired in a number of ways. In broad terms there are four principles of acquisition :

(1)by place of birth ('jus soli' ― 'right of the soil');

(2)descent ('jus sanguinis' ― 'right of the blood');

(3)by naturalisation; and

(4)by cession or conquest of territory.

Of course, in the event of a birth on board a plane (or a ship for that matter), no one principle applies! This is because that would cause unneccesary hardship or an unaaceptable result to both the individual and the state. Lets take an example now:

Therefore, most countries have laws so that the child being born on an aircraft will only acquire the nationality of the parents. This is the rule prevailing in several European and African countries.

Now, specifically in relation to the baby born in Poland: (www.polishcitizenship.net, if anyone is interested in acquiring polish citizenship !!)

2. APPLICANTS WHO DO NOT HAVE FAMILY FROM POLAND. THESE APPLICANTS MAY BE ELIGIBLE TO ACQUIRE POLISH CITIZENSHIP IN ONE OF THE WAYS DESCRIBED BELOW.

• By birth on the Polish territory

A child who was born or found within the territory of the Republic of Poland, acquires citizenship of Poland when both parents are unknown, when its citizenship cannot be established, or who are stateless.

By the looks of it, the baby will be acquiring the citizenship of his/her parents!

Oh, and the baby doesn't get free tickets for life either. Check out this (not very academically strong though) link.

The curse of Eden

Ahh I love Sundays! Not only am I watching a very random Govinda movie (in my defence Sunday television sucks. Not only do I have to wait until Monday to catch Desperate Housewives, they don't show my favourite programme on BBC Food on Sundays. Oh, did I mention I enjoy Govinda movies :p I love the 'bus toh road pay chalti hai' type of Govinda jokes haha)

ANYWHO, during the 'intermission', I came across this ad:




and it made me chuckle. It also gave me some food for thought..Now, Im no misandrist, but I hate the double standards of Desi society. I'm at that point in life where I KNOW that it is not possible for men and women to be 'equal', especially seeing our society and religion. I accept it, yet I don't like it. So it's okay for the son to have a million and one girl friends (not that I condone that by any means) and parents take it light heartedly, it's just a phase after all. Heaven forbid if the daughter wants to marry someone of her own choice. All hell will break lose. I know of some employers who openly state that they refuse to hire any females as they will 'get married and leave and what's the point'.Why, oh WHY are we, as Desis, such two faced hypocrites.

I was at a friend's place recently and her grandmother was telling someone about her grandchildren. When asked about her eldest daughter, she said " MashaALlah say, uss ka do betay aur aik beti hai" ( MashAllah, she has two sons and a daughter). When the lady asked her gran about the youngest son's children, she replied " Uss ki to sirf do betiyan hain" (He only has two daughters). Not only that but her gran sounded positively apologetic when she said that.

Coming from a moderate and open minded family, I was really shocked to hear what she had to say. Some people may dismiss that by saying that she's an old lady and her thinking is outdated. I beg to differ! Even now, in this day and age, social evils like infanticide exist in Desi land. Or, on the flip side of the coin, women keep giving birth to cricket team-esque size of families, in the hope that the all coveted male heir, the one-who-carries-the-family-name, will be born. Why is there so much hatred against females? Even swear words in our culture mostly have female centred meanings.

Even if one overlooks incidents of newly married daughter in laws being burnt alive by their in laws as something that will not happen to most urban Desiites - What about the so called educated women who still insist that their daughter in laws bring a truckload of jahez with them - How does one justify/rationalise THAT?
Incidents of forced marriages, vani, karo kari , marriage to the holy Quran (God forbid) and other such social evils are all done in the name of religion. Don't the perpetrators of these horrendous crimes realise that they will eventually be answerable to God one day?

Who are we, the educated Desiites, to blame the Taliban for flogging women and putting them under chaddar and chaardiwari, when our society has programmed us that male = good and female= evil. When the educated men and women of our society create problems for other women, who are we to point fingers at a bunch of mountain people who've probably never seen a book in their entire life. And who am I, as a woman, to point a finger at men when it is women after all, who will date married men and ruin homes and consequently destroy the children from the broken home. Women in the workplace backstabbing other women to get to the top at any cost. The in-laws ( usually the women) trying to get the daughter in law under their control, because they feel threatened, the scheming aunts making their niece's life miserable. The list just goes on and on.

I have been very fortunate (mashAllah say) to have parents who have treated me the same as my brothers and I am thankful to God for that. I do know though, that it is a dog eat dog world out there and there will be times, whether at work, during marriage, out in court, or even out in the market, where I will be discriminated or treated badly JUST because I am a woman. I very much doubt that this is what God intended. Everyone thinks that praying 5 times a day, fasting, haj (all haqooq-ul-ibad) makes a person a good Muslim. Haqooq-Allah (e.g. not hurting some one's feelings or not causing harm to someone) are JUST equally important as Haqooq-ul-ibaad. Then why are women all over Desi land, or even the world, cursed and treated like pariahs?

Farewell o ye Scrubs - "My Finale"

Disclaimer: Scrubs spoiler ahead! Read at your own risk!

Okay so this is the time to admit that I'm a major scrubs buff. Ive been following it up ever since I was aware of its existence (my best friend at uni introduced me to it) and I have been hooked ever since.

And now, Scrubs is finished. Khallas. Kaput. Over. I can only describe it as the end of an era. I wont say that I'm absolutely heart broken but I have to admit though I did shed a tear when JD was imagining his future - I think the music, something along the lines of the "Book of Love" perhaps, was just apt. I thoroughly enjoyed every single episode. From the Janitor's antics ( knife wrench, drill fork, any body remember that?) to JD's daydreams to the dance sequences to the stupid stupid jokes. Loved it all!

I just loved how the Janitor's name was never revealed! and of course, it was JD who had jammed the door on the first day with a penny (accidentally of course)! I knew it ALL along :P Classic! and the last sequence, was just brilliant!

with JD's walk of fame was great as well..It was great to see all the extras pop up too..Especially Hooch.. Hooch is crazyyy! lol

I know this is probably going to sound REALLY corny, but I've felt that Scrubs, despite being a slap sticky, humorous show, has always had a moral-to-the-story type of ending: something which Ive always learned from! Take Bob Kelso in an episode (dont remember which one) "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy" really hit home. It made sense somehow...

Similiarly I loved what JD said:

"Endings are never easy. I always build them up so much in my head, they can't possibly live up to my expectations, and I just end up disappointed. I'm not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here. I guess it's because that we all want to believe that what we do is very important: that people hang on to our every word, that people care what we think. The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better. After that, it's all about the people you let into your life."

I don't know if it's just me being all emotional, but it kind of put things into perspective.

sigh... farewell oh ye Scrubs.. I will miss thee.

Ludo - a rule book?

On a boring, depressing sunday afternoon at my friend's place, what with the godawful weather and a feeling of impending doom looming upon us, we decided to lighten up the mood... by playing Ludo!

A little historical fact about Ludo from Wikipedia:

Pachisi (as Ludo was then known) is said to have originated in India during 6 A.D. or earlier. Traces of early boards survive in the cave temples of Ellora in the Deccan region, and also at Agra and Allahabad. The Mughal emperor Akbar Khan (1542-1605) had a huge open-air board of marble. In the centre was a dais on which he and his courtiers sat. Instead of pieces, the emperor used girls from his harem, (sigh...ofcourse the Mughals would so such a thing) perhaps emulating Sultan Mohammed who is said to have played “living chess” in Grenada in 1408. In the 1890s pachisi was adapted and modified (and subsequently patented) as Ludo, under which name it appeared in England about 1896.

Now, I'm guessing most people from Desiland and places nearby are well aware of this game. Im going to literally translate the Urdu terminology into English, so apologies for any funny translations. Here's what the general undisputed rules of the game are: Minimum of two, maximum of 4 players, get to choose a colour each, which represents their 'house' - with four 'gotis' or pieces. Each player needs to roll a 6 on the die (or dice, depending on how fast you want to finish the game)to get one piece out of their 'house' at a time.

As a 6 is rolled, that player will then move their way across the board, until they come to their final 'house' in the center of the board. Along the way other players' gotis may be 'killed' if the lucky player rolls the dice and gets an exact number which lets him/her land EXACTLY on someone else's 'goti'. Oh, and your 'goti' is untouchable if it is 'standing' on of those 'stops' ( surprisingly, you only find the extra stops ( i.e. 8 spaces away from the home stops) in desi Ludo boards - see image)

THOSE are the undisputed rules of playing Ludo. So yea the story goes that me, my friend and her younger brother started off playing Ludo. Her younger brother INSISTED upon choosing the green colour. Why, I asked him? "Kyunkay green Islam ka rang hai aur lucky hai" (Because green is the colour that represents Islam and is lucky too).

Now, WHO could argue with that pearl of wisdom! Ive seen a lot of Ludo superstitions (my favourite one being where my cousin would roll the dice and WHACK the dice bucket on an unsuspecting victim's head) but THIS one took the cake.Anyway, off we got started and that little tike was REALLY lucky! He kept on rolling 6s after 6s while I was still stuck in my miserable blue house. Maybe there was something to his theory. Smart alec!

Those were the general undisputed rules. Now, rather surprisingly, the smart alec tike had his own variation of the rules I'm normally used to. Of course, Ive come across some other variations as well and I have no idea which set of rules apply?

Variations:

1. If your 'goti' lands upon another on of your 'goti', you now have what is called a 'double goti' and your double goti can only move about in even spaces ( so if you get four, you move two spaces and so on). The double goti is untouchable and in fact, no one can move their goti across a double goti, and ofcourse that inevitably creates a goti traffic jam

2. You can't go into your final house unless you have killed another player's goti. If that means taking a couple of rounds of the Ludo board until you kill another player's goti, then so be it. BAHAHAHA.

3. If you are using two dice (is that an oxymoron?), you are allowed to abandon one die once you are moving up the path to your final house.

4. If you roll three 6's in a row, then you forfeit your turn, as the dice has been 'burnt'. I found this one to be the most disputed rule!

5. If, when you roll the dice and it falls of the Ludo board, it is considered to be burnt as well and the player who rolled it forfeits his/her turn.

So we had a healthy debate whilst we played the game regarding the rules. Lets just say that actions speak louder than words and the little tike won. Darn it!

I tried to save face by flipping the board over and trying to beat him at snakes and ladders, but by the looks of it, it just wasn't my day! I should've insisted upon the green goti this time round around, me thinks. How I yearned for the snakes and ladders board of my childhood, which had a GIANT snake at 99 which slid you straight down to 2! How FUN was that! They don't make such good stuff anymore, me thinks.

Snakes and ladders reminds me of the Indian game show, saanp aur seeri. I absolutely LOVED watching that show on Zee Tv. Even the host of the show looked like a snake! I so BADLY wanted to participate and get a chance to slide into that pool of water. I also dreamt about being a contestant on fun house (on STN, anyone remember all those great shows - Alf, Flash, Gumby, Camp Candy - I coul go on and on!) and Aik Minute on Zee Tv again ( where the contestants had one minute to do a certain task - how cool was that :p)

Well that was a nice trip down memory lane. Back to the point though, I wonder how many variations of Ludo exists? Any contributions people?

The Taliban are coming. Har dee har har

Like most denizens of Desiland, I too, am concerned about this all this Taliban hullabaloo. The ostrich inside me really hopes it's all an MQM propoganda, but by the looks of it, us people in Desiland need to wake up and smell the coffee! Its really so sad to see my beloved Desiland fall into such hands. Will we suffer the same fate as Afghanistan?

A lot of humourous views pertaining to the rise of the Taliban are being heard: the classic one being about how soon women will be wearing a shuttlecock burkas (out goes the capris Im guessing) and men high shalwars.

I came across this article today which discusses two mind boggling issues: the Taliban and time zones. lol.


Pakistan planning to have multiple time zones
By: Bangalore
Islamabad : Pakistan


Pakistan is planning to have multiple time zones to cater to this need raised by several sections of society there. An announcement to this effect was made by Interior minister Ghulam Sher Khan in Islamabad on Wednesday.

“Each time zone will be name after a terrorist who could be found in that an area on that longitude. For example, a time zone based on Longitude: 67° 02 will be called Dawood Standard Time, while the one based on 71 21' will be called Osama standard time,” Khan said. Pakistan has said that this will be its way of honoring the great terrorists who have placed the country firmly on the international map and has attracted global condemnation.

When reminded of Pakistan’s pledge in the so called war on terror, Khan claimed that this was his country’s way of giving clues to the US. “What can we do if they don’t come down and bomb these places back to stone age? I mean anyway half of our nation is already half of our country is in stone age, so what difference will that make,” he asked.

Taliban Premier League
Taliban, the rulers-in-waiting in Pakistan have announced that they will be holding a series of T-20 matches across the country to encourage camaraderie among their cadres. The matches will be held between teams drawn in from cities currently ruled by Taliban. The tentative list of teams is as follows:

* Peshwar Donkey Riders
* Bajaur Teen Whippers
* Malakand Lunatics
* Mardan Moth Eaters
* Quetta Stone Agers
* Multan Neanderthals
* Mingora Dark Agers

My pet peeves

So I've had major writers block for a little while now. I blame it ALL on those mind numbing judgments Ive had to read for my legal research. Wading through a good 150 odd pages of grammatical errors, hilarious ( or so I'd like to think) observations and classic quotes (more on that later) from our learned judges. It's enough to give anyone nightmares! So Ive been going home late, working at home till bedtime and that makes me VERY cranky and irritable. And impatient.

Which made me think I need to vent all that energy SOMEWHERE. So here is a list of my pet peeves (in no order of preference):

1. people who leave the door to my room open. I mean, you opened it when you came in, WHY oh WHY can you not shut it! I just cannot understand that.

2. People who use their mobiles' loud speaker. "DOH KILO BAINGAN, AIK PAO BHEENDI, AIK KILO PYAAZ AAJ LAY ANA" and "AAJ TUM NAY MUJHE CURRY KAY SAATH PAKORAY NAHIN DIYE" is what I've actually heard at work.

3. Lawyers shouting in the court to make a point. What is this, a bollywood movie?

4. Girls who wear jeans with a kamiz and dupatta. SOMEBODY CALL FASHION POLICE because that is the biggest fashion faux pas there can EVER be. Either you wear the full suit... or kurti (whichever length) with jeans. I ESPECIALLY cannot stand the jeans+kamiz+dupatta combo at work! Makes me want to slap the wax out of their ears I tell you!

5. Nosy people. "Why are your cheeks so red?" Me:Its the inner glow..DUH its blusher!

6. People who make it their business to know exactly what I'm doing on my computer screen. I had this nosy lady almost trip and fall on me because she leaned in so far. Serves her right that I was drafting an affidavit.

7. writers block. brain not registering anything. darn it.

Out of the mouth of babes

"Well, my father calls him Ahmadinejad" - Boy on Iranian children's TV, asked the name of his toy monkey.

It would be interesting to know who children's toys in Pakistan are named after.

To be or not to be

I'm generally not one of those people who are prone to throwing hissy fits, but this 'independent judiciary' brouhaha is really getting my goat. On several occasions, when I was doing my masters from the Land of Opportunities, I was approached by several lecturers/tutors/people in general. They all had the same question to ask. HOW do you intend on practising law in Desi Land when the judiciary is not independent?! Personally, i found this to be a very difficult question to answer. I could either lie/paint a very rosy picture or tell these people the truth.

And the truth is that the judiciary has NEVER been independent. Not only is the legal profession scarred by corruption starting at the lowest level possible, it has always been very easily malleable. The Honourable (ex) Chief Justice of Pakistan was well known to enjoy the good things of life. Prior to Musharraf firing him, I would quite frequently read about him going off abroad for one reason or the other, presumably on the tax payer's expense. Just google it or search The Dawn. Mr Chaudhry took oath under Musharraf's first PCO. So why all the fuss regarding the current PCO judges, especially Chief Justice Abdul Hameed Dogar? What makes Mr CHaudhry ANY different from this lot? Not much I think. Was he not one of those who authorised Musharraf's rule?

Some may argue that he is now a changed man. Misunderstood, jaded and a victim. I think those that do argue that, suffer from a syndrome most people in Desi Land are afflicted with. Acute amnesia, my dear Watson. It is due to this very syndrome that the Islamic Republic of Desi Land keep on voting for the two parties that shuttle in and out? The reason why the Zardaris, Sharifs of Desi Land represent us at state level *shudders*. Once bitten, twice shy? Not something the Desis of Desi Land believe in.

Acute amnesia has led to the people of Desi Land forgetting that the loudest voice in this independent judiciary movement is that of Nawaz Sharif. The person who had the apex court of Pakistan, stormed by his cronies. Where did the independence of the judiciary, sovereignty of the state, go then?

Perhaps one can argue that Musharraf was the lesser of the evils. During his last year as President, it was politically correct to be a Mush-basher. Yes, his last year was marred by some very ridiculous, nation-destroying, political-suicide type decisions. But the acute amnesia struck Desis of Desi Land seem to forget that he did in fact do SOME good for Pakistan, as opposed to the clowns in the political arena these days.

I'm not by any means condoning Musharraf's unconstitutional actions. Our 'democratically' elected leaders are no better. Rewind to Feb 2009, with President Z's decision to oust the Sharif Bros from politics - Supreme Court decision (Would Mr CHaudhry have done anything different - History repeats itself) . Again, Rewind to the 1970s and the so called 'independent judiciary' that sanctioned the murder of a leader of Pakistan. Fast forward back to March 2009. Tension in FATA, non-sovereignty of the state (read: American drones) suicide bombers, political, economic, social and religious instability.

It's really too much to take.

And which one are you?

So I've been M.I.A for almost a month now. The reason? well nothing too important, just busy with a case (a senior associate is away on sick leave and I have to handle a lot of her work). Which meant that I had a couple of meetings with a client. I had to attend court too on a number of occasions. So just rushing from here to there really.

I've realised that work life is really no different from school life ( primary and secondary school combined). You'll always have the bullies, the jocks, the nerd, the tattle tale, the 'in' crowd. Except I would perhaps like to re-christen them as the Brown-noser, the Biatch, the Doormat, the Aunty, the Uncle, and ofcourse, the Boss.

Lets start with the Biatch first. The Biatch btw, can apply to both males and females, not trying to be misogynistic here or anything.The Biatch will generally tend to be the most ambitious person(read: steamroller) in the office, the true definition of a fat catty bitch. The Biatch is a conniving piece of work, who will stoop oh-so-low. (S)he will not think twice before (s)he stabs you in the back. The Biatch is well known for even twisting the Boss ( albeit the more confused one) around her little finger. The Boss ( or a person who hasn't figured the Biatch out) will ALWAYS listen to what she has to say. The Biatch might be a lazy bitch too (depends) and will most definitely convince the confused Boss that ACTUALLY that particular unfinished piece of work neglected by her/him was assigned to you or some other poor unfortunate soul. (S)he will ofcourse get you in trouble with the confused Boss, who now thinks you're an incompetent idiot. The Biatch will always pretend to have a mountain load of work, when really (s)he is facebooking her posterior end off. The Biatch will question you to her/his wits end JUST to ensure whether or not your are more qualified than her/him, expect a thorough grilling/cross examination.. Expect the Biatch to comment on your clothes, makeup, jewellry, hair, skin in a bitchy way. Watch out for this one!!

The Doormat now. The Doormat will be an ardent supporter of the Biatch. A mindless person who has no opinions of his/her own, (s)he will be, in the true meaning of the word, a doormat for the Biatch to walk all over (and even wipe/rub his/her feet sadistically on). The Doormat will carry out all the menial tasks for the Biatch and be there at his/her beck and call. When the Biatch is not around, the Doormat WILL speak behind his/her back, but ofcourse will be too much of a sissy to say it to the Biatch's face.

Then you've got the Aunty. The Aunty is like the mother hen of the nest. She will try and set you up with your co-workers, be worried about your rishtay, comment on your clothes, makeup and all that jazz. She will be worried about your health, and give you desi totkay to help cure those god-awful dark circles. A bit too inquisitive and over bearing at times, the Aunty generally bears no ill will.

The over-confident one. This person ALWAYS thinks that they're right. They will NOT listen to what you have to say, even if you have some valuable input. The Over-confident ones generally have the icame-I saw-i conquered approach to life. God's gift to mankind ( or so they seem to think). The seemingly un-defeatable, unconquered. Its actually quite fun (if not a little sadistic) to see these types fall FLAT on their faces!

Next, the Brown noser. Not mutually exclusive to the Biatch. This ones the MOST annoying one of the bunch. The Brown noser will find EVERY oppurtunity to go and butter up the Boss. The Brown noser treats every meeting with the client as a networking oppurtunity. The Brown noser will always be standing besides the Boss during important meetings or any other occasion for that matter. The Brown noser is a professional sycophant. The Brown noser will somehow wheedle his/her way into all the work being done. The Brown noser has antennae like a cockroach. (S)he WILL always sense when theres a juicy case or important piece of work on the horizon. God help you if you've been given that important piece of work, because , just like death and taxes are always certain, the Brown noser will come around to bother the LIFE out of you. Whatever you have, the Brown noser will always try and come one up. In short, (s)he's a copycat, sucking up piece of scum. I rest my case.

Moving on to the Uncle now. He's generally a sweet guy, but some of the stuff he says could actually be construed as harrasment. If he were in any other place other than Desi Land, he would certainly be slapped with a harrasment lawsuit. Generally one of those type of people who belong to the old school of thought, he brushes aside all of your qualifications if you happen to be a female. He loves talking about his family and praising them to no end.

Finally, THE Boss. Since I actually have more than one Boss, its interesting to see how different their personalities are. They can be confused, overconfident or just plain old grouches. As long as you hand your work in on time to them and do half-decent work, the boss-employee relationship should work out.

So, there you have it. That's my interpretation of the people Ive encountered in my work place. Which one of these are you ?

Oh dear...

No, this is not a post about the vermin that has infested our society, corruption etc. Please do excuse my sense of humour, which is no different from a 10 year olds..But this is what I overheard recently:

A bunch of ladies, just chilling out at a parlour... about 3-4 of them. The centre of the conversation was this who I'll call the Punjabi Hen. Anyway, PH was narrating all her aches and pains and the other ladies would 'cluck cluck' and 'hmmm' in harmony at exactly the right moments...

ANYWHO. THEN.. WHen I had just started getting my eyebrows done.. she drops THE bombshell

PH: Pata hai, mujhe naak ka problem bahut rehta hai. Kuch din pehlay doctor nay drops diye laganay kay liye....

PH: kher mera nose itchy tha... i would scratch it and forget abt it.

PH: phir main bathroom gaye.. naak ko DEKHA aur mere naak say KEERAY NIKAL RAHAY THAY

Other ladies: 'Hawwww hayyee'

Me: *sound between a gag and hysterical laughter*

PH: 'Nikkay nikkay chittay chittay Keeraay' ( small small white white insects)

Me: *starts planning exit strategy even though only one eyebrow had been shaped* - I think I also tasted some vomit..

PH: 'Haan doctor na kaha kaay naak aik cavity hai, keeray par saktay hain...

Me: *WTH!*

By this point I couldnt control myself and was laughing, albeit silently. the lady shaping my eyebrows saw my shoulders shaking and she started laughing too.

ofcourse there were more pearls of wisdom:

PH: bus dekhain na, Jism toh keeron say bana hua hai

Me: *snorts with laughter accidently* , get a dirty look

PH: kisi kisi kay toh DIMAGH MAIN BHI KEERA HOTA HAI

THAT was the straw that broke the camels back and i ran out of the parlour and laughed my head off, with people thinking... Okaaaay shes mad! When I had calmed down, I came in, let the lady finish shaping, paid and left.

I really think it is SO important us women have SOMETHING to do. something better than to sit at parlours discussing INSECTS .. that too in their NOSE. I mean, thats just news for me?! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?! HOW is the human body made out of insects, aunty, PLEASE do tell me. Or is this some kind of evolution I haven't heard of? Or maybe perhaps shes a zombie from 'The Mummy'. I just cannot make sense out of it. Any doctors out there to verify the truth of the statement? or ANYONE! Ive never heard of such a thing and Im disgusted ( yet highly amused) for some odd reason...God help me..

Aaj Juma hai.. isi liye!

me: suno Pareshan Bhai, zara yeh file toh photocopy karwa dain? Annexures bhi saath hon, evidence kay liye Lahore High Court jaani hai.

Pareshan Bhai (all decked up in crisp white shalwar kamiz and has put on a truck load of ATTAR) : Desi L Ji, woh kaam zarra aaj nahin ho sakta hai

me : Aray, PB, aaj juma hai aur har halat main bhejna hai!

PB: yehi toh main kehna cha raha hoon... Aaj Juma hai aur isi liye nahin ho sakta hai!!

This conversation took place at 11 am. quite some time BEFORE the friday prayers!!
This conversation is just an example of the general attitude of people at my firm. Somehow, as soon as its friday EVERYONE assumes its chillaxing day. Bhaie, you get a 1.5 hour break ( stretched to 2 hours in most cases) read namaz, eat your lunch.. and GET ON WITH WORK! now, i dont mean to be a kill joy, but works gotta be done right?

so thats the general atmoshere at the mo... people chilling with cups of coffee... gossiping for ages... at 11 am debating upon whether to order a Big Mac or Double cheese burger. discussing the merits and demerits of each. the Big Boss himself strolled in NOW, i.e. 12 pm. Am I the only N.E.R.D around here? *GASP*

hmmm wonder if I should catch a movie during lunch break?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ok so heres the deal.. I've come across about a zillion and one lawyer jokes along the lines of knock knock jokes (basically,very corny) and ofcourse there's this general mentality amongst people that ALL lawyers are bad, scary, money grabbing individuals... Its not completely wrong at some level but hey not everyones like that. Take the Wise Guy at my firm... Gods gift to the legal fraternity..or so he thinks ;) Dont get me wrong, he does know what hes doing...but the nature of our work means that not everything's black and white. There are a lot of grey areas involved and I feel the most important thing to do is to LISTEN to what the other person is going on about. I feel that in a profession such as ours,listening is very important. If you have the gift of the gab, then everything's hunky dory.. but LISTEN! In a way I guess this applies to anyone really....

Moral of the story: Not all lawyers are ruthless sharks! some of them do have hearts, honest!

Anywho, I guess most of us have somewhat of a sense of humour and can laugh at ourselves. Enjoy the (perhaps lame) jokes




What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.


What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?

No changes occur.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?

The bucket.


What's the difference between God and an attorney?

God doesn't think he's an attorney.


How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

Basics 101

I came across an interesting article today...ofcourse, I shouldn't have been browsing for 'interesting ' stuff when I really should be drafting that affidavit 'Tiny Toon', my boss, has assigned me to do. I suppose its the side effect of so many holidays, just cannot bring myself to do any work..

Also point number 9 brings me to my all time favourite topic... independence of the Judiciary! Kind of a hot topic in Desi Land these days, as most not living in a box will be well aware. To be honest I'm really sick of all this now. The Lawyer's movement has become WAY too political...and its harming the profession big time... strikes, court closing..bad press abroad..

Anyway, the movement was REALLY ironic to begin with anyway.. What independence are they talking about? Was it not the very same judiciary that permitted the ex-Pres(so called) to get away with absolutely everything and formalised his position. Where was their independence then? and was it not the same judiciary, albeit many years ago, that sanctioned the murder of a deposed head of state? Independence, Bah humbug!

Anywho, enough of that, here's ten key legal principles that every law student in their first year should know about. Makes life a lot simpler, me thinks!

Ten key legal principles - by Gary Slapper

The law is governed by thousands of principles. Some apply only within a narrow field, while others are hardly used. Some are of profound importance


1. Parliamentary sovereignty

The highest power in British democracy is that of the electorate — expressed through its representatives in Parliament. This is the supreme (or “sovereign”) power. Legislation can be used to make any imaginable law. In 1917 Lord Justice Scrutton contemplated that a statute could make “two plus two equal to five”. Some economists, though, have been doing that for a while.

2. The separation of powers

Rooted in ideas of Aristotle, and popularised by the French writer Montesquieu, this precept notes that there are three types of governmental function: legislative, executive and judicial. If more than one of those is given to one person or agency, it is a threat to the freedom of citizens. Not rigidly applicable in the UK as, for example, the law lords are judicial, but they sometimes “legislate” new law in their decisions.

3. The rule of law

This is a defining characteristic of civilised democracies. Famously articulated by the Victorian jurist A. V. Dicey, the principle means that everyone, however powerful, must obey the democratically passed law, and no one is above the law. The rules are more important than important people. We are ruled by the rules, not by rulers.

4. Discharging the standard of proof

For criminal and civil court cases to succeed, those bringing them must prove them to a required standard. In criminal cases, for a conviction, the prosecution must prove its case “beyond reasonable doubt”. In civil cases, the party bringing the action must prove its case “on the balance of probabilities”; in other words that it is more likely than not.

5. Ignorance of the law is no excuse

If you break the law, you can’t escape the consequences by saying you were unaware of it. Mr Justice Talfourd said in 1850: “The rule is not that a man is always presumed to know the law, but that no man shall be excused for an unlawful act from his ignorance of the law.” Chief Justice Abbott, however, cautiously noted: “God forbid it should be imagined that an attorney, or a counsel, or even a judge is bound to know all the law.”

6. Better that ten guilty men go free than that one innocent person is convicted

Encapsulated by Sir William Blackstone (1769) as: “Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer.” The horror of an innocent person condemned to suffer as guilty is notorious. King Alfred is reported to have hanged a judge who executed a defendant when the jurors were doubtful about their verdict, “for in cases of doubt one should rather save than condemn”.

7. Proportionality

A key principle of European and human rights jurisprudence demands that a law should be proportionate to what needs to be done by it. So, in 2005, the European Court of Human Rights ruled that legislation that indiscriminately banned every UK prisoner from voting was a disproportionate measure because it brought that extra punishment on all prisoners irrespective of their crime.

8. Justice must be seen to be done

Nothing to do with people watching cases from the public galleries. It means that if anything even looks as if it might compromise justice it is unacceptable. If a judge had some shares in a company that would be affected by a judgment he gave, his decision would be invalidated because it might look suspicious, even if he had forgotten about his shares.

9. Independence of the judiciary

Public confidence in the judiciary requires that judges decide cases according to law and not according to bribery, threats or political pressure. Various rules promote free and fearless judging — judicial salaries are not annually approved by Parliament; judges cannot be sued for any judicial utterances or sacked for their judicial rulings.

10. Law should not be retrospective

It is unfair to make a law today that applies to the past. Statutes are presumed to apply only prospectively. There are exceptions. The War Damage Act 1965 was passed to apply backwards and stop the Government having to pay compensation for damage resulting from military orders in 1942. Chutzpah perhaps but see (above) parliamentary sovereignty.

Fat cat (to be)

Its official....exactly a year and some months ago I was thrown into the deep end.. the big, bad world of litigation.. It was all exciting at first, with me having a Boston Legal/Rumpole-ish sort of image of the legal fraternity in my "Home Country" AKA Desi Land.. Which ofcourse was EXTREMELY optimistic/stupid of me. I suppose spending time in the (now seemingly) snazzy Crown Courts and the (slightly less snazzier) Mags in England didn't really help. Dont get me wrong. I have nothing against the High Court back home but goodness me, the District Court is just on a planet of its own. I'd say it was more like huge market...with people from all walks of life hanging out there.. That includes criminals in shackles.. just hanging out. Court proceedings taking place in [insert language of choice]. To cut a long story short, lets just say that Advocacy 1, 2 and 3 went flying out of the window then. Sorry, tutors, but when in Desi Land, you've gotta do what the Desis do.

Ok thats finished my complaining quota of the day.....